On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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