dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
