i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
