My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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