I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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