This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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