just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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