If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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