Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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