i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize