Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
