dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Four minutes until I can fart!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
