Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
