I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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