I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
