I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
