thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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