Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
