sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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