Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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