from now on my penis is your penis
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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