Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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