i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
