I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
