Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
