Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
