I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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