I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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