I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
