how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
