I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she looked like the before picture.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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