Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
