i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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