Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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