he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
