he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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