youre lurking in front of me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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