so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
