no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
