Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
