I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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