I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
