and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
