I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
