i just wanna soil my oats bro
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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