woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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