Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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