You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At least make sure they are 18
Why
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
