1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
