So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize