come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
