When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
