if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
