I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
