I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Enjoy the penises
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
