This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
