there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize