I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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