she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
