I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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