butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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