You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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