since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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