Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
