He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
