JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
