Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
